by the way another piece?? here it is... by request..
You know that I'm so weak about english subject in high school, but I made a way so I can reatain my grades..^_^ another pice...
APHRODITE
I know you're a godess
And that's the reason why I'm sad
You live only in the myth
And there is no way we can meet
You're beauty is my precious
There is no reason to loose
The lips colored like a blood
But I can't kiss it it's so bad
Like the other Godess you have a power
To respect, to obey,so love will bear
But if you exist in this worl I am here
I want you to feel my endless care
You're beauty for me means purity
pure in the heart as long as I will be
True in my intention as you and me
That's the door and the key
This is my piece
So please don't tease
Because of This Poem
There will be peace
"D ko pa tapos yung iba kung gngwa, may duty kasi"
-=ken=-
I know you're a godess
And that's the reason why I'm sad
You live only in the myth
And there is no way we can meet
You're beauty is my precious
There is no reason to loose
The lips colored like a blood
But I can't kiss it it's so bad
Like the other Godess you have a power
To respect, to obey,so love will bear
But if you exist in this worl I am here
I want you to feel my endless care
You're beauty for me means purity
pure in the heart as long as I will be
True in my intention as you and me
That's the door and the key
This is my piece
So please don't tease
Because of This Poem
There will be peace
"D ko pa tapos yung iba kung gngwa, may duty kasi"
-=ken=-
hahaha thats gud for you.. kasi d ka naglalakad..
ReplyDeleteso unepectedly pinalakad ka
do comment to my blog ken
ReplyDeleteHahah... ang lahat ng mga bagay na nangyayari sa atin ay may dahilan! hehe... at i2 ang dahilan may na-isulat ka sa iyong blog haha...
ReplyDeleteDRAMA again. :)
ReplyDeleteyung pang LAUGHTRiP naman.
--JAN
Staza one: Very good. I like it. the thought told me that some are very hard to reach. AMP
ReplyDeleteStanza two: Why are you adoring the lips but then eventually fall negative? it like describing durian. lines 1 to three complement each other. line 4 ruined all of it. sorry
Stanza 3: very nice but stanza two contradicts it. It like stanza 2 is in Mt. everest and the rest stanzas are in the Philippines. Peace yow!
Stanza 4: it seems you are stating that she will only be pure if you are pure in her heart. questions is? what if she doesn't think the way you want her to think of you?" Dont give conditions man. Im no expert that what I think.
Stanza 5: Just like stanza 2. they are in mount everest and the others are in antipolo. How can there be peace with the poem if some of it are not peaceful? Do you get it?
IM NOT EXPERT BUT THIS IS WHAT I THINK. I WAS BORN CRTIC AND WILL DIE CRITIC. SORRY.
OVERALL: you have future in poetry but practice more on the thought. gud lak. peace.
may critic agad. mas like ko ung first. :)
ReplyDeletetnx... mag popost muna aqoh ng luma.. kasi d pako nakakagwa ehh heheh.. busy paqoh... hehe.. tnx rem at ish^_^
ReplyDelete